ABBOTT AND COSTELLO'S ROUTINE 7X13=28 Landlord: Just a minute, these men can't sail. I happen to be their landlord , they owe me seven weeks room rent, and unless I get my money they cant go on that boat. Abbott: What did you do with the room rent I gave you? (to Costello) Costello: I gave him the money. Abbott: We'll he said he gave you the money. (to Landlord) Landlord: He only gave me twenty-eight dollars. Costello: Well that was right. Abbott: I gave you more than twenty-eight dollars. Costello: No, it was thirteen dollars a week. Abbott: That's right. Costello: We were there seven weeks. Abbott: That's right, where's all the money? Costello: I gave him the twenty-eight dollars. Abbott: What do you mean twenty-eight dollars? Costello: That's all the guy got's coming. Abbott: Wait a minute, it's thirteen dollars a week... Costello: Yeah. Abbott: I gave you seven times thirteen. Costello: That's twenty-eight dollars, I gave it to him! Abbott: Don't say that, don't say it! Abbott: You didn't get that money? (to Landlord) Landlord: All I got is twenty-eight dollars. Costello: That's right seven times thirteen is twenty-eight dollars! Abbott: Come here, come here, come here, prove that to me. (to Costello) Costello: You want me to prove it? Abbott: Prove it! Costello: Okay. Let me see, there were seven weeks , right, I'm going to divide it and it was twenty-eight right? Now seven into twenty- eight... Abbott: You claim seven goes into twenty-eight, thirteen times? Costello: That's right. Abbott: Prove it. Costello: Seven into two, seven will not go into two! Abbott: No, no certainly not! Costello: No matter how much you push this big seven into that little two, it's not going to go in there. Abbott: We know that. Costello: Therefore you don't want to hurt that little two. Abbott: What do you mean? Costello: That's a cute little two, isn't it? Abbott: What are you going to do with it? Costello: I'm not going to push that big seven into that little two. Abbott: What are you going to do with it? Costello: I'm going to put that little two right there. Abbott: What's that for? Costello: Isn't that cute that little two, don't forget about that little two! Abbott: All right go ahead. Costello: Seven into eight? Abbott: Once. Costello: Once, now I'm going to carry the seven because it's getting heavy, I'm going to put it right there. Now seven from eight? Abbott: One. 7(28(13 7 Costello: One, a minute ago... 21 Abbott: Oh, oh! 2 Costello: ...I had some argument about a little two, this little two down here. Do you mind if I use it now? Abbott: Go ahead, please. Costello: Thank you. So I'm going to put that little two right there, seven into twenty-one? Abbott: Three times. Costello: Three times, seven into twenty-eight: THIRTEEN TIMES. Abbott: Oh no, no. (Laughter) Costello: I gave you everything that was coming to you! (to Landlord) Landlord: You only gave me twenty-eight dollars! Costello: Your what I call a cheat, now you tell my partner that I paid you off Abbott: Wait a minute, come over here, come over here, now don't (to Costello) encourage him, please. (to audience) Abbott: We'll multiply this, put down, um, put down, come on put down thirteen. Costello: You got no right telling him I didn't give you the money! (to Landlord) Abbott: Come on, put down thirteen, put it down! Costello: Okay, thirteen. Abbott: Now put down a seven. Costello: Seven weeks. Abbott: Now all right, make a line, now you claim thirteen times seven is what? Costello: Twenty-eight. Abbott: Prove it, get a load of this!! Costello: Seven times three? Abbott: Twenty-one. 13 7 Costello: Seven times one? 21 7 Abbott: Seven. 28 Costello: Seven and one? Abbott: Eight. Costello: And two to carry is TWENTY-EIGHT!!! Laughter Costello: Look I paid you every nickel you had coming. (to Landlord) Abbott: All right, all right come here we'll add it up. 13 13 Costello: There's more? 13 13 Abbott: Put down thirteen, seven times. 13 13 Costello: Put down thirteen, seven times? 13 28 Abbott: Seven times!!!!! Abbott and Costello: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Abbott: Now you claim that all that added up amounts to what? Costello: Twenty-eight. Abbott: Give me the chalk, I'll add it up. Costello: There's a piece, get over here, it's liable to come out right! Abbott: There you are, there's three, six, nine, twelve, fifteen, eighteen, twenty-one... Costello: Twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, TWENTY-EIGHT!! Laughter. Transcribed by David Turbide